discovery
When you lose hope, everything becomes more difficult. It is hard to get past the day when you have nothing to look forward to. It is hard to move forward when you believe this is as far as you can go. Withouth hope, life becomes static.
I found myself without hope for quite some time. Much longer than I imagined. I was too busy trying to move forward that I never realized that I had lost hope. Circular activities distract us. I was fighting a battle I couldn’t win. I was given a challenge I could never achieve. I was asked to prove something that couldn’t be proved.
We rely too much on the voices in our heads instead of the one in our hearts. There are several occassions when things do not make sense in our mind. Perhaps someone is not living up to our expectations. Perhaps our expectations are all designed to cover up our own insecurities, our own anxieties. In any case, our own fears, doubts, uncertainties, cloud our hearts–they confuse us. Intead of seeing all the things someone has done for us, all we see is what they haven’t done.
And in the end, I lost hope. I lost hope in others, in the world around me, but worst of all, I lost hope in myself. I became so confused by the thoughts of others, I couldn’t hear my own heart, my own spirits. I didn’t realize that it was yearning to break free, to fly towards the heavens, and remind me that hope is everywhere. When I was finally released, I experienced freefall for a moment. And then I spread my wings once again.
Every action has an equal opposite action. Everything happens for a reason. If we try to understand the “why” we will never find peace. If we focus on the “how” we become confused. But if we come to terms with what is, we open ourselves up to possibilities. The universe is seeking balance n all of us, but our own desires and ambitions get in the way.
I was convinced I was happy. I was certain I was happy. I was looking for evidence to prove to others that I was happy. I was determined to prove to myself that the situation I was in was better than previous ones. I was so busy looking for proof that I never realized I was unhappy and that I had lost hope.
When you stop looking in the mirror because you can’t stand the way you look. When you stop talking to friends because you don’t want to hear what they say. When you stop listening to yourself because you’re afraid of what you might discover. When everything around you seems to be holding on by a series of carefully placed sticks, then something is not right. One wrong word and the entire structure collapses.
I woke up admist the fallen structure one morning. I was frantic. I tried to find a way to rebuild the structure that I had called my life for over a year. And in a brief moment of despair I turned off my mind and listened to my heart. I found a poem on the wall I had written years ago for a very close friend. Three months later she gave me the poem back for Christmas in a frame she designed herself. She said that she felt I needed to hear my own words:
You are blessed
You are a gift
You are all
You want to be
And so much more
Take your wings
Climb the highest tree
Jump
Fly
Just Fly
Soar
Spread your wings
Never touch the ground
We are all angels
We have just forgotten
Fly
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The words reminded me of hope.
The structure did not need to rebuilt. I built the structure around the person I used to be. I didn’t need the structure. I never really needed the structure.
We do not need people to surround us or overwhlem us; we need people who will walk next to us, with us, beside us. Someone who will face the day with the same level of hope that you do. Someone who isn’t afraid of the things they don’t understand. Someone who believes that there is more to life than what we can see or touch.
I walked away from the fallen structure and looked at myself in the mirror. I was still there. I was still standing. I was still strong.
Hope is available to us at any moment.
All we have to do is listen with our hearts.
Discover everything you can about yourself.
Realize that you can fly.
Use hope as your wings and never look down.