The moment I
Saw your face
I wanted to be with you

The moment I
Touched you
I wanted to stay

I always believed
That you were out there
Searching for me
As I searched for you

I knew we would meet
Unexpected
Sudden
Certain

But rather than realizing
It was really you
I sought
Reasons
Doubts
A foolish attempt
To avoid the truth

Because the moment
I touched you
Held you
Kissed you
I knew

You are the one

And if you will

I will walk
Hand in hand
With you
Until the end of time

Wonderful

Wonderful

Wonderful

I’m not exactly where I’d like to be these days, but it is better than where I was.

And I have recently discovered that unless I can learn to forgive, I will never truly be free of what has transpired.

I grow weary of waiting and wanting.

Fierce
like my heart

Out of control

Passionate

Everything it touches
is moved

The wind is pure

Powerful
Honest

It shows no favor

My heart
can be like the wind

Pure

Powerful

Honest

Words
Touches
Kisses
Sleepless nights
Lazy mornings
Journeys
Laughter
Tears
Surprises
Sorrow
Loneliness
Adventures
Running
Biking
Falling
Snow
Warm water
Moon jellies
Singing
Dancing
Skating
First kiss
Last kiss
Fear

Alone
Forgotten
Insignificant
Memory

I remember

Someday
Memory

I can live without you
Nothing would really change
No thoughts of you
No single memory
Is that what you want

I know what I feel
Is close to the truth
I know what I believe
Brings me closer to you

I know my heart
Is stronger than I
I know my mind
Will help me survive

But there are moments
Trapped in my thoughts
When you are close
Enough to touch
To hold
To kiss
To love

Is that what you want

What do I want

You

But seeing you only reminds me

For a moment
We were connected
Closer than I dared
In a very long time
And just as quickly
We were apart

I used to lie awake
Wondering
If you ever thought back
To those moments
But when I see you
I know you have not
I am simply a fragment
Maybe even
A mistake

I used to believe
Somehow we’d find a way
Out of this silence
Your eyes tell me otherwise

We all seek ways
To protect ourselves

You chose to forget

I have remembered

Someday
I’ll barely recall
Your touch
The heat from your lips
The taste of your flesh
As you pull away from me

Someday
I’ll forget your laughter
Your smile
Your voice
Your eyes

Someday
I’ll no longer remember
Running my fingers
Down your spine
Past your legs
To the edges of you

Someday
I’ll stop waking up
Thinking of you
Felling the pain

Someday
You
Like the others before
Will cease from the present
Only to become
A fading image
In a book
Full of yesterdays

Moving so fast
Running, jumping, playing
Moving
Back and forth
Side to side
Round a round

Keep yourself
Distracted, confused, occupied
Not enough time
To understand
Comprehend
Believe

All you do
Is run, jump, play
Far way
Never

STOP

Feelings so intense
Words so strong
Thoughts so loud
Can’t begin to
Involve

NEVER

Moving so fast
Run, jump, play
Back, side, round

Emotions so involved
To face

NEVER

STOP

I found myself without hope for quite some time. Much longer than I imagined. I was too busy trying to move forward that I never realized that I had lost hope. Circular activities distract us. I was fighting a battle I couldn’t win. I was given a challenge I could never achieve. I was asked to prove something that couldn’t be proved.

We rely too much on the voices in our heads instead of the one in our hearts. There are several occassions when things do not make sense in our mind. Perhaps someone is not living up to our expectations. Perhaps our expectations are all designed to cover up our own insecurities, our own anxieties. In any case, our own fears, doubts, uncertainties, cloud our hearts–they confuse us. Intead of seeing all the things someone has done for us, all we see is what they haven’t done.

And in the end, I lost hope. I lost hope in others, in the world around me, but worst of all, I lost hope in myself. I became so confused by the thoughts of others, I couldn’t hear my own heart, my own spirits. I didn’t realize that it was yearning to break free, to fly towards the heavens, and remind me that hope is everywhere. When I was finally released, I experienced freefall for a moment. And then I spread my wings once again.

Every action has an equal opposite action. Everything happens for a reason. If we try to understand the “why” we will never find peace. If we focus on the “how” we become confused. But if we come to terms with what is, we open ourselves up to possibilities. The universe is seeking balance n all of us, but our own desires and ambitions get in the way.

 I was convinced I was happy. I was certain I was happy. I was looking for evidence to prove to others that I was happy. I was determined to prove to myself that the situation I was in was better than previous ones. I was so busy looking for proof that I never realized I was unhappy and that I had lost hope.

When you stop looking in the mirror because you can’t stand the way you look. When you stop talking to friends because you don’t want to hear what they say. When you stop listening to yourself because you’re afraid of what you might discover. When everything around you seems to be holding on by a series of carefully placed sticks, then something is not right. One wrong word and the entire structure collapses.

I woke up admist the fallen structure one morning. I was frantic. I tried to find a way to rebuild the structure that I had called my life for over a year. And in a brief moment of despair I turned off my mind and listened to my heart. I found a poem on the wall I had written years ago for a very close friend. Three months later she gave me the poem back for Christmas in a frame she designed herself. She said that she felt I needed to hear my own words:

You are blessed
You are a gift
You are all
You want to be
And so much more

Take your wings
Climb the highest tree
Jump
Fly
Just Fly

Soar
Spread your wings
Never touch the ground

We are all angels
We have just forgotten

Fly
—————————-

The words reminded me of hope.

The structure did not need to rebuilt. I built the structure around the person I used to be. I didn’t need the structure. I never really needed the structure.

We do not need people to surround us or overwhlem us; we need people who will walk next to us, with us, beside us. Someone who will face the day with the same level of hope that you do. Someone who isn’t afraid of the things they don’t understand. Someone who believes that there is more to life than what we can see or touch.

I walked away from the fallen structure and looked at myself in the mirror. I was still there. I was still standing. I was still strong.

Hope is available to us at any moment.

All we have to do is listen with our hearts.

Discover everything you can about yourself.

Realize that you can fly.

Use hope as your wings and never look down.